Slime, Enchantment and FASD

Blog Slime

By SB_FASD

Once upon a time, and twice a week since then, a little boy would make a mess.  Shampoo.  Toothpaste.  Bubble bath.  Washing up liquid. Laundry detergent.  Perfume.  Powder.  Spray deodorant. Mouthwash.  Flour.  Butter.  Bicarbonate of soda.  Food colouring.  Vanilla extract. Broth cubes.  Salt.  Corn flour.  Sugar.  Fabric softener.  Conditioner.  Bath gel.  Even – in a time long, long ago – some cleaning fluids.  Nothing was safe.

This little boy made messes big and small, smelly and sweet.  Sticky and staining.  Hidden and brazen.

For years his parents chastised and chided.  Hid things and redirected.  Monitored consumption and kept to the script of what we are supposed to do with such things.  Teaching, they thought, that it’s not good to waste, that we don’t play with food, less is better than a lot.

But still the messes continued.  In fact, one window may be forever fogged in the corners from some unknown combination that was once sprayed and congealed.

This little boy grew to be a googler.  He became adept at finding Kids Choice awards, and played over and over and over again the scenes where famous stars are covered in slime.  He found YouTube channels full of people doing challenges where they sit in bath tubs full of cheerios and jelly.

Maybe he had tried over the years to tell his parents where all of this was going.  If he did, his parents didn’t hear.  They just occasionally grew angry when the shampoo was gone, when the bath had to be rinsed yet again from whatever-mix-that-was-this-time.

Meanwhile his parents had been googling and learning themselves.  Doctors helped.  Diagnoses opened minds.  The parents began to see this through new eyes, and began to rethink his relentless ignoring of warning after warning.  They began to see he wasn’t being ‘naughty’ – they finally grasped the behavior as a symptom of a need that he could not express. But knowing that wasn’t enough.  They had to change their approach.  Create a different environment.

So they started to buy cheap items for sensory play: foaming soaps, oozy liquids, cheap whisks and plastic bowls.  To the consternation of some, they enabled the mess but fulfilled a need.

Meanwhile, the happier boy kept googling. He watched hundreds of videos.  He turned his attention to a single focus.  Slime.

It wasn’t pretty.  The house became filled with randomly found containers of soapy smelly stickiness.  But this time the parents didn’t fight it.  This time they planned fun trips to the store with the boy so he could pick the ingredients rather than help himself to Dad’s favourite shaving gel.  They googled to try to find UK replacements for Elmer’s Glue and Borax (the holy grail of slime making), knowing how frustrating and abstract this was for their son to understand that some ingredients were not to be had on these British Isles.

They set up some spill trays and gave smaller bowls to limit the quantities for experimentation.  They lined up saline solution and salt, cheap shampoo and hand soap.  And day after day after day, the boy tried.  And he tried.  And he tried.  He just couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working.  He wasn’t so keen to follow the recipes exactly, he insisted a dash of this or a bit more of that was what he needed.  But though it was not ‘successful,’ he was absorbing and learning using his senses.  He was focused.

The household was under a spell.  There were mixtures in the freezer, in the refrigerator, on the counter, and on window sills.  And still he googled and still he tried.  The boy was happiest when mum was sitting by him, watching the videos and listening to the fake American accent he adopted as he mimicked the kids on the videos.

Day after day.  Powder and flour clouds occasionally rose over the sticky concoctions.

Never did the parents say a negative about the mess this time.  They stayed close and helped clean.  They supported, not critiqued.

And then, after maybe 10,000 mixtures, there it was.

The boy made slime.

Good slime.  Slimy slime.  Goopy slime.  They kind of slime you need to put in a leak-proof container and bring to school to show people kind of slime.  The kind you ask mum to stand next to you, with her own little bowl and spoon, so you can show her your special recipe kind of slime.  And yea, though it was remarkably close to the one she was trying to show him weeks ago, it was so much better because the boy made it himself.

He had to learn this his way.  And low and behold, he did.

On this magical night when proper slime finally was created, as the mum was walking out of the room after the high fives and well-dones, she heard it.

The boy’s voice.  Quiet, clear, and confident.

“I AM a scientist!”

He said it to himself.  It wasn’t bravado.  It was fact.

The words hung there in the night.

And suddenly, the parents knew that all of it was worthwhile.  And they were pleased that though their patience had been tested again and again, this time, they knew they had helped their boy on a remarkable journey of self-discovery.

You might come yourself to this enchanted house.  You might still see the huge tray full of half-mixed concoctions. Yes, there are stains on carpets that are ignored, and you might rightly stare hard at the cups and spoons you are given which may or may not still have traces of the taste of glue clinging to them despite the parents’ best efforts.

But the family hopes that if you come through their doors you will see Progress.  This once dark and stormy house has become a happier, calmer place.  It’s far, far from Perfect Land, this much is certainly true.  But in SlimeVille there are pockets of joy and self-satisfaction.  There are bridges across Sensory and Cognitive Needs to Productive Lives.

And what was once a battle has been redrawn into a shared camaraderie, a past-time that opens doors for discussions between them rather than the flashpoint for shouts and frustrations.

The boy had been trying to say this for years.  Once again the parents were too slow to see what he was teaching them.

But they learned, and it helped.

 

 

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Christmas Gift Ideas for Little Ones With FASD

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By @FASD_Mum

This is for those of you who, perhaps like us, may be behind in the Christmas shopping department and who may be looking for gifts for those little ones with FASD.  These are some items over the years that have been big hits.

Apologies, many of these links are for UK sites – but most of these items are available elsewhere.  These are suggestions only, of course we can’t endorse any specific product.  We understand all kids are different, what calms one may have the opposite effect on others.  But in case it’s useful, this is a glimpse into what has worked for us over the years.  (There are lots of great items available on sensory toys websites.  Here is one example of a great site.)  Christmas isn’t just about presents, and for our kiddo less is often better.  We are posting a variety of things here, just to get those creative juices going if, like us, you are staring into these coming holidays like a reindeer in headlights.

Our main point is that while some of these might not seem like presents you may have wanted as a child, they might be extremely welcomed by a sensory-seeking kid.  So, think outside of the box.

A heavy furry blanket.  Our guy has one he uses every single day, it’s great for sensory regulation and calming.  I have no idea if this one is heavy, it’s just an example.    screen-shot-2016-12-04-at-10-28-02-am

Soft colour changing pillow.  This one is really soft.

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Emoji bedding – we have used an emoji duvet cover and emoji pillows to help develop strategies for how to go from angry to happy (see this blog post) and to help him describe how he is feeling.  (We also have been known to encourage throwing the emoji pillows at a bare wall when frustrated or punching the pillows…) He loves emojis!

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Sensory den/dark pup tent.  We have always wanted to have enough space (and money) for one of these or a bean bag chair (there are lots on that site, including some great full body loungers and some for teens).  You can be creative.  We have improvised by the bottom of a closet as a calm space for our guy.  Previously we hung curtains around the bottom of a bunk bed and put in special lights.screen-shot-2016-12-04-at-10-33-41-am

Bath items – GelliBaf, foaming bath soap, lavender bubble bath, bath cups with different holes in the bottom

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Fidget bag – lots of options for creativity here, great stocking stuffers (this is only one example) or maybe a fidget pencil case for those who have trouble sitting still in class.  Pencil fidget toppers or a chew buddy necklace also can help.

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Clothes – our guy loves compression shirts and tights, anything with spandex and without tags.

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We haven’t bought weighted vests or expensive weighted blankets, but we have used lap pads and weighted warmers.  This one looks fun.  We used to have vibrating bug massagers and Ps and Qs for chewing.

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Always wanted a body sox, but suspect we waited too long.

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Safety mirror for those who tend to make things sail across the room.

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Galt marble runs have been a favourite in our house for years (though marbles do fly, and should be avoided for kids who put things in their mouths).

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Hands-on is great.  We have had success with magic sand (though be vigilant, we heard one family had a struggle when it was washed down the drain), play doh – our latest is the ice cream shoppe, play foam (but beware it’s very sticky).  We also have in past just given a huge plastic bowl so he can mix ‘concoctions’ in the kitchen.

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Also spinning paints, spinning markers, Spirograph JuniorGears! Gears! Gears!  (Yes, there is a theme here…)

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Disco lights (we have many, but not this particular one). A bluetooth speaker with LED lights was also a big hit, worth checking out if you have technology.  There are many options for inexpensive sensory lighting, such as this one.  Have a google.

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Jumping items – a must when our guy was younger – sadly our garden isn’t big enough for a trampoline these days.  But a kiddie trampoline for the young ones would be top on my list (there are sturdier ones from disability aids websites).  Skipping ropes are great too, and cheaper.  Exercise balls can also be great for home use, having a kid just sit on one and watch TV or when doing homework can really help give that little bit of input – but in our house they fly too often for comfort.

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Swingball – endless hours of entertainment

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Books – we have found that our guy has a different relationship with books than our elder son.  He does better with hands-on books, like the Usborne Lift the Flap books (which actually contain some higher level info but more easily accessible for him, in little bursts). See Inside Your Head was one we used to help him start to understand his brain (though it’s not FASD related, we found it useful).  (When he was smaller all the touch and feel books were essential, like the That’s Not My… series.)   DK Eyewitness books for kids are also a hit, again very visual and short bits of info. DK Eyewitness classics are also a great way to introduce literature – like the other DK books they also have short bits of info and lots of visuals around the main story.  A Christmas Carol might be a timely one. (Some of these are out of print.  We often buy used books, we call it recycling.)  We also have had success with books based on movies like the Spy Kids or some of the Disney stories – the movie visuals in the books seems to help him focus.

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Things scented.  Scented markers, scented pencils, scented stickers, scented bubbles, and the latest craze – Num Noms (ridiculously expensive but for a kid that loves smells I can see why he likes them).

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Time timers – these are great – for kids who can’t innately understand the difference between 5 minutes and 5 hours, they show how much time is left visually.  (We sent some of these into school.)  There are some cheaper versions or the larger more expensive ones. We also tried a clock that changed colour every hour, but he hated it in the night (he needs a pitch black room to sleep.)

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Some traditional games – Bingo! with a spinner.  Candy Land is still a favorite – (based on moving around by colors) and also Story Cubes, Spot It/Dobble.

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Learning games – We’ve had recent fun with Lazer Maze, Gravity Maze, and Snap Circuits electronics kits (that we have often found used on eBay).

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Lego – our guy never got into Lego until we got some Lego Friends.  We think the traditional Lego people were too abstract for him.  And then he loved the Lego friends performing sets.  There is always some Lego set that would appeal to most kids.

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Technology – our guy has a love/hate relationship with technology.  We have found some things work better than others.  The entire LeapFrog range was always top of our list, very sturdy, good educational – and the toys go from very young phonics magnets up to a LeapPad (which he still uses).  We have had good luck with the Amazon Fire tablet for kids, (though we got it on sale). Same with the  voice command Amazon Alexa speaker (less to break), which we also got on sale.

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Topping this year’s list?  Bean Boozled 4th Edition party game (these come in smaller packs as well).  For those who don’t know, bean boozled jelly beans have two flavours for each colour – one pleasant and one disgusting.  For our sensory-seeking son, getting a small pack of these is often a highlight on a Saturday – he films himself trying them and spitting out the horrid ones.

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He’s also desperate for Pie Face.  I think I see why.

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There are so many things he wants in the ‘made for speed’ category.  He has a scooter that sparks, that was a highlight of last year’s Christmas.   Some of his other demands we consider too deadly to consider: hover boards, skateboards, Heelys, etc.

This seems like a feeble attempt to lay out some ideas.  The main message is to ‘think sensory’ when considering toys.  Don’t try to push them to a new level if they are not yet ready.  Puzzles, dress up clothes, dolls – lots of those items that little kids like big kids might still like and need.  It takes some shedding of parental expectations to find those toys that will help them grow but also provide fun rather than frustration.

If you have other ideas, please feel free to share them in the comments section below.

Extended Family, FASD, & Halloween Happiness

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By The Auntie

I currently have two pumpkins sitting in my kitchen, one of which I will help my nephew carve when I have him over night on Wednesday for another of our sleepovers. I have never carved a pumpkin with him, don’t know if he will enjoy it, but this we will discover.

For the last couple of years, I have found myself at home for Halloween and I LOVE Halloween. I have fond memories of eating silly, “disgusting” food, dressing up and apple bobbing as a kid.

Nowadays, it’s all about the trick or treating and no-one seems to do the traditional games any more, so I decided that I was going to introduce the kids in my family to a couple of them.

And yes, I dressed up. I like dressing up. The first year I was the only adult that dressed up. Last year there were more.

So here’s the recipe …….

  • Make a finger food buffet and give it Halloween style names.
  • Make your own costume – a sheet for a ghost; a ripped T-shirt and some face paint makes a zombie; black clothes and green face paint transforms you into Elphaba – use your imagination and it doesn’t have to cost a fortune.
  • Buy some apples.
  • Buy some doughnuts and string.
  • Put the apples in a washing up bowl full of water and bob – I can promise you that the adults WILL get competitive!
  • Eat the finger food – this has to be done before the doughnuts – use the doughnuts to bribe little people into eating some proper horror food.
  • Tie the doughnuts on the string. The contestants lie on the floor and have to eat the doughnut from the end of the string which is held sympathetically by another contestant.

At some point in the evening they will want to fit in trick or treating, you fit it in where appropriate.

“So,” I hear you say, “That all sounds like fun stuff to do – why is The Auntie making a point of it?”

Festivities are always a trial for families of kids with special needs. In the frazzled environs of day to day life, planning anything more than managing to get out for some trick or treating is near impossible and our kids with FASD can feel let down, left out, or overwhelmed.

By giving up a few hours time prepping some food and organising a couple of silly games, you can give your families affected by FASD an evening of smiles, silliness, rest and respite.

Even if you don’t want to do the food bit (you could always ask whoever is coming to bring a contribution and have a pot luck dinner) you can still give your families a moment away from the everyday trauma. The new school year adjustments are ramping up. You can give them a tiny oasis away from that.

Yes, it might only be a couple of hours. But, for our families, those occasional moments may be enough to knock a couple of straws of the camel’s back.

Happy Halloween!


P.S. from FASD_Mum:  What The Auntie may not know is how many challenges her Halloween parties have solved for our son with FASD.  His sensory issues make walking around during cold nights wearing costumes and masks a real nightmare for him.  He gets freaked by some (most) of the Halloween decorations, especially at houses where there are decorations with loud noises and surprises.  He is intimidated to walk up to people’s doors, takes too long to choose which candy he wants … it becomes very overwhelming, very fast.  He is starting to feel a bit out of place, at the age of 12, when so many of the kids are much younger, but emotionally he is still at the age where he wants to participate.  Too much trick or treating yields too much sugar, which has its own host of problems (if there is candy in the house, it will be eaten until it is no longer there – our guy is not one to pace himself and it is impossible to hide it away, candy-related meltdowns are guaranteed at this time of year).  In many ways he is just as happy staying inside and giving out the treats as he is knocking on doors.

The Auntie’s family-focused and extremely fun but low-key parties have been perfect for our son.  They are a sensory treat for him (bobbing for apples!).  Most of the activity is at her home, with a few visits to trick or treat at the homes of neighbours who know the family well.  And the real joy is that in her enthusiasm to do something she loves, she hasn’t even realized just how perfect these parties have been for our son with FASD. 

Spending time with a child with FASD can be great fun, and it’s all the more exciting when another extended family member includes them in something that they really enjoy.  Sometimes only a few modifications are needed, and the kids build such positive memories and family relations are strengthened.  Maybe this particular kind of party would not work for all kids, but I would bet there is some way to plan just an hour or two this Halloween that would really make a child light up with joy and give the whole family something to feel good about.

And then, of course, if Halloween is too soon, there is also Bonfire Night…

Further reading:

Halloween Ideas for Kids with FASD

Acceptance for this All Hallow’s Eve